


My Little Darkness

by TakenbyChance



Category: Original Work
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Complicated Relationships, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, Femslash, Gaslighting, Memory Loss, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:54:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24541936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TakenbyChance/pseuds/TakenbyChance
Summary: It's been so long since the incident, time has passed and wounds have healed. But Delilah can't find the strength to forgive herself. Everyone else has moved on and assured her it's not her fault, why can't she take their word for it? Why can't she let go of the past? She has everything she needs to be happy but something still eats away at her mind at night. In the small dark corner in her mind, where she goes to find solace, a quiet voice calls out to her....
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character
Comments: 6
Kudos: 4





	1. Party of Two

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my second work on here :). Please heed the tags and keep in mind that they can be updated at any time. This a pretty heavy piece that deals a lot with mental trauma and other heavy topics, there will also be some sexual content at some point in the future. If any of that makes you uncomfortable, I suggest you reconsider reading this story. If you’ve decided to stick around, please enjoy and feedback\criticism is always welcome!

It was dark and quiet. A small area of space devoid of light she created in her mind. A place she made to escape to when everything became too much

Unable to see, feel or move, she still retained a strong hold on herself, she knew she was here. Here was where she couldn't lose herself, where she could protect herself. It felt as if time had come to a complete stop. There was sound however, a soft quiet sound. You almost can’t hear it but if you strain your ears enough, it’s there. A quiet voice calling out...

Delilah opened her eyes at the sound of someone knocking on the bathroom door.

“Delilah, are you okay sweetheart?”

She could hardly hear the sound over the loud rhythmic beat coming from the speaker downstairs. Sighing before burying her face in her hands, she answered.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

No sound came from the other side after she answered. Of course, everyone only faked concernment at this point. It had been so long since then, they must have all gotten tired of pretending to care and look out for her. It makes sense, it was her fault after all.

_ “No, don’t think like that.” _

But it’s true, it is her fault. It must be. If it weren’t for the stupid decision she had made then, everything would’ve been okay. Nobody would have had to suffer. But she didn’t make the right decision and now everything is messed up. Everyone’s upset but they’re just hiding it, they must be right? They’re angry because  _ they’re  _ gone and it’s all her fault. _ They  _ would still be her if wasn’t for her, if she had just listened, if she had just-

“Hey, babe? Would you mind opening the door?”

The sound of the voice on the other side made Delilah’s head snap up.

_ “Oh, she’s still here.” _

It’s surprising that she’s still here even after everything. Delilah doesn’t know how she could be. She was a part of it too after all, _the incident._ But for some reason she’s stuck around even up until this point, she’s never left Delilah’s side although she would deserve it. She doesn’t deserve her, she doesn’t deserve anything, she knows. And that’s what makes it worse, having to put her through being with someone like her. It’s also Delilah’s fault she’s broken as well but she can’t fix it. All she can do is watch and regret.

Another knock at the door

“Come on Delilah, just open the door please. I wanna make sure you’re alright.”

_ Delilah let out a shaky exhale before standing up from the toilet cover. She could do this, just a few steps forward: one foot in front of the other. She wasn’t going to cry or breakdown, she was just going to open the door and be normal. Hell, maybe just to add a kick she would even smile. You know, one of those 1950s housewives smiles for the charm. No, that was too suspicious of her. She would get concerned, wonder if something was wrong. She didn’t want that. _

Delilah twisted the doorknob and pulled the door frame towards her. It was strangely quiet, with the music thumping in the background before she realized it was because she was still holding the doorknob and looking downward. She let go and looked up.

“Hey, Alice.”

“Delilah.”

Oh no, Alice had that look on her face. Her eyebrows were scrunched and she had a deepest frown. She looked like the poster child for sadness. She stared deeply into Delilah’s eyes as if she was doing so to read her mind. It was a while but she finally closed her eyes and sighed. 

“Delilah, are you okay?”

“I’m fine Alice, I just needed a break.”

Alice stared at her again, this time with a more neutral face”

“You’re sure?”

“Yea.”

Alice paused before stretching her hand out,

“Come on, let’s go back downstairs.”

  
  


——————-

Delilah hesitantly descended down the stairs with Alice. She really didn’t want to see everyone at this point, especially after her little episode in the bathroom. She just wanted to go home.

“It’ll be alright.” Alice softly murmured to her, tugging a bit more forcefully on her hand.

Delilah let out a sigh and continued down. They walked into the living room where everyone was. They were all just chatting and drinking, no one seemed to have noticed their disappearance or arrival. Delilah scanned the room before softly swallowing.

“Can we please just go home?” She whispered.

“Delilah, it hasn’t even been two hours yet.”

“Please.”

Alice looked at her with blank eyes which sent shivers down Delilah’s spine. She feared that look and didn’t know exactly why. Did that look meant she was fed up? Did it mean she was sad? Tired? Angry? She didn’t know and it was terrifying because she couldn’t fix the mistake she made that had caused that look in the first place. 

Alice looked away briefly before relaxing her shoulders, Delilah hadn’t even noticed she was tense.

“Alright, let’s go home.” she said rather flatly.

Alice signaled to Naomi, the host, letting her know they were leaving. In a drunken stupor, Naomi rapidly waved goodbye with a big grin and called out to them from the living room.

“Bye you two!! Have a goooood night!” Alice let out a little giggle at that. Delilah waved back with slight discomfort. 

Alice guided Delilah with a hand on her back to the front door. The touch was gentle but through the thin fabric of Delilah’s sweater, it felt scalding. As they stepped through the door, Delilah couldn’t pinpoint why she felt so unraveled. Alice had never and would never hurt her, she had never so much as raised her hand or voice at her. She always felt safe around her so why was her brain filled to the brim with thoughts of worry? 

Alice opened the passenger door of her SUV with a smile and Delilah shyly went in and sat down. Alice walked around to the opposite side and entered through the driver’s side. She hummed as she inserted the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life. She tapped the wheel as the radio turned on, playing cheerful Christmas music softly in the background. It had been a New Year Eve’s party they had attended but for some reason, radio stations still insisted on playing Christmas tunes at least until the start of next year. 

Delilah had been distracted by the music until Alice called out to her. 

“You barely ate at the party, so what do you want for dinner? You want to pick something up or do you want me to make something for you when we get home?” She inquired.

“Huh? When we get ho-”

Delilah quickly cut herself off and looked out the window. Dread spread through her quickly as she realized what was happening. She noticed too late that they weren’t heading towards her apartment, in fact they were heading in the opposite direction.

They were going to Alice’s place.


	2. Good Intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back with another chapter! Hope you all enjoy :)

“Alright, we’re here.” Alice said as she pulled up to the front of her apartment. She carefully parked before opening the car door, exiting. She went around the front and opened Delilah’s side, helping her out.

“You okay? You look nauseous.” she asked, concerned in her voice. Delilah weakly nodded her head as they went up the stairs. Approaching the door, Alice fumbled with her pocket for a bit before pulling out her keys. She unlocked the door and held it open for Delilah to come in before closing it and setting the lock back in place.

Alice had a rather homely apartment. There were few potted plants laying around and the walls were a warm cream color. It smelled faintly of sugar and cinnamon, plus the small lights hanging from the ceiling gave the space a soft glow. As much as Delilah wanted to feel comforted by the welcoming atmosphere, it truly just made her unease more insatiable. She slowly walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. The couch was warm and soft, Delilah felt as if she could just melt into it. She closed her eyes and tried to let herself relax, forgetting the uncomfortable memories of the party. But her eyes snapped back open as she felt a hand gently run through her hair. 

“Hey, I brought you some tea.” Alice smiled. She set it on the coaster on the table in front of them. “You don’t have to drink it now, just take it before you go to bed.”

Delilah swallowed before nodding. She hated taking that tea, it made her extremely drowsy and sleep for days on end. She peeked over at the cup, steam rose from the hot liquid and it looked translucent with a green tint unlike the usual murky color; she must’ve lowered the dosage. That brought Delilah a sense of ease and she felt herself relax a bit more.

“So, do you want to talk about the party?” Delilah felt herself tense up again. That restless feeling began to creep back up. She turned her body to the right, facing away from Alice. She knew it was cruel and that Alice probably had a hurt look on her face, but she didn’t want to deal with this. She couldn’t, she hated talking out her feelings, laying everything bare to be seen. It was better for some things to be kept to herself.

She could hear Alice sigh and felt her heart drop. The guilt was overwhelming, she didn’t want this to cause a divide between them. She knew she had to stop withholding stuff like how she felt from Alice, right? That’s how she would get better and be able to move on. If she could just find the courage to tell her everything. But did she have to tell her everything? Wasn’t it okay to keep somethings to herself? She didn’t know, it was all so confusing. Maybe this wasn’t as big of a deal as she was making it out to be in her mind. But if it wasn’t a big deal, why couldn’t she just talk about it? Why couldn’t she just be honest? Why does she keep pushing Alice away? Why does-

Delilah’s obsessive thoughts stopped as she felt Alice wrap her arms around her.

“I’m sorry, okay? We don’t have to talk about it.” She said as she planted a soft kiss on Delilah’s cheek. Although she intended to comfort Delilah, now she felt even worse. Alice shouldn’t have had to apologize to her, she hadn’t done anything wrong, right? Well she had invaded her space a bit- wait that wasn’t true. That wasn’t true at all, she had just been concerned about her that’s all. And even she had invaded her space, she hadn’t meant to. She had good intentions, and that was what was most important.

Delilah turned around and returned the hug, burying herself in the crook between Alice’s shoulder and neck. Although she wanted to avoid it, she felt herself beginning to shudder and shake. Before she could stop it, tears began to flow freely from her eyes and small raspy breaths escaped from her lips. Soon enough, she was full blown sobbing. Alice gently shushed her and rubbed her back as she did. Once she got started like this, she couldn’t stop. It was difficult, she wanted to be a good person and girlfriend but she didn’t know how. She felt as if she was a total fuck up. She hated herself for causing problems and then looking for comfort and escape through Alice. She could cope at times on her own, when she would lock herself in that dark spot in her mind. But Alice hated that and would always get upset when she noticed her doing that. It wasn’t healthy according to her and wasn’t a good way of dealing with her problems. She preferred if Delilah would just tell her what was wrong so they could work it out. But Delilah couldn’t do that, she felt as if she was taking advantage of her and her kindness.

Delilah felt herself slowly calm down as Alice brought her back to reality little by little by whispering positive affirmations in her ear. Softly telling her “It’s okay” and “You’re going to be fine”, she almost began to believe it. Her crying slowed down to small shivers and hiccups as she finally came to. Oh god, she felt ridiculous. Crying in her girlfriend’s arms like a baby over nothing. She sat up and separated herself from Alice, widening the gap once more.

“S-sorry.” She hiccuped. She didn’t know why she was apologizing, having already displayed such embarrassing behavior. Alice reached out and took her hand but Delilah kept her gaze downwards, still feeling ashamed and not wanting to make eye contact.

“It’s alright.” It was that tone again, the hollow one she had used when they left the party. Made her doubt if it really was alright. 

Alice let go of her hand and stood, walking over to the small granite island in the kitchen. She pulled open one of the drawers and rummaged through for a bit before pulling out a small bottle. She popped off the cap and shook a few pills out into her hands. Closing the bottle and putting it back, she returned back to the couch and sat down.

“Here.” She stretched out her hand to Delilah. “Take these with tea and go to bed, okay?”

She sounded calm but her tone was authoritative. Delilah hated doing this but she was beginning to feel like she didn’t have a choice in the bigger scheme of things. She accepted the pills and picked up the tea, swallowing them in one go. As she did, she heard Alice softly murmur to herself.

“It’s a shame you didn’t even get to eat first, taking those pills on an empty stomach is such a hassle.” Right, she had forgotten about that too.

She set the cup back down and already felt herself getting drowsy, sinking back into the warmth and comfort of the couch. As she dozed off, she felt Alice pull her closer to her, her body warmth radiating strongly which pleased Delilah. She snuggled up to her and felt herself fully relax, her mind at ease. The last thing she felt was Alice giving her a kiss on her forehead. But it felt scalding and uncomfortable just like the touch at the party. She didn’t have time to dissect why as her mind went blank and she fell into deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope all of you enjoyed this chapter, I know it was pretty short and I apologize for that. I made this to establish the kind of relationship Delilah and Alice have and next chapter, I’ll be giving some background information and really getting into the plot!
> 
> Basically the story has yet to begin but it’ll be starting very soon :)
> 
> Stay safe y’all and have a good day!


	3. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delilah has a dream about an event from the past.

Delilah felt her body jolt and move around. She was sleeping right? That’s what she thought at least, her eyes were still closed after all. Why was she being moved around by an external force? Under the sound of wind moving quickly past her, she could hear a couple voices speaking.

“Do you have your ID?”

“What do I need my ID for? What, you think we’re going to get caught?”

“Yea, we just might with how fucking fast you’re going.”  
  
The voices sounded awfully familiar. And she also felt as if she had heard this conversation before. Maybe it was back then, when she had-

Delilah sat up with a gasp and her eyes snapped forward. Looking around, she instantly realized where she was. This was his jeep, and they were on the highway from that day, and she was wearing the exact same outfit from that day, and everyone from that day was in the car, and-

She stopped thinking, suddenly aware that everyone’s gaze was on her, even he was peering from the rear view window. 

“Um, are you okay Delilah?” Delilah looked to her right, a concerned look catching her eyes. It was Maria, her best friend. It had been so long, she wondered if this was what she had really looked like. With her long curly brown and blue eyes. Did she have blue eyes? She could’ve sworn they were green. And wasn’t she a redhead? She didn’t know anymore and it terrified her. She swallowed dryly and answered the question.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She might as well let the scenario just play through. This was a dream she had been through hundreds of times. It’s not like it gets worse any other time. Once you’ve been through it so many times, it makes you numb. There might have been a few times where she had woken up sobbing and screaming in Alice’s arms but she was probably past that now. Probably.

She looked around nervously as they sped down the highway. They were going dangerously fast and the jeep smelled of alcohol. Looking down, she could see a few cans of beer between her feet. Had she also been drinking as well? She couldn’t really remember if she had been drinking in the original scenario but knowing what she was like back then, it was most likely the case. She twiddled with her feelings as the speed increased and she knew it was coming. Maybe she could prevent it this time. It was a stupid thought cause she had never been able to before but she still wanted to try. Maybe if she prevented the argument, she could stop it from happening this time. 

“Hey guys?”

“Maybe we should, uh, slow down a bit.” She shifted around nervously in her car seat as she spoke.

“No way” he spoke. “If we slow down now, we won’t get there on time.”  
  
Ugh, Cole. This whole thing was his fault anyway. She felt herself getting slightly annoyed as she noticed the car picking up speed. Maria giggled at the action a bit while Delilah resigned to staying silently.

“Cole, maybe you should listen to her. We don’t want to die, you know.” That was Lisa. The oldest of the four of them and probably the only one with a good head on her shoulders. She didn’t deserve to be here considering what was about to happen.

“Hey, I know what I’m doing.”

“Oh, really? Let’s examine our situation, shall we? We’re all underage, we’ve been drinking illegally and you’re driving your brother’s car without his permission or a license.”  
  
“Hey I have my permit!”

“That’s not good enough, and are you going to disregard everything else I said?”

“Jesus, Lisa, who gives a shit. We’re not going to get caught so pipe the fuck down.” Lisa rolled her eyes before slouching back in her seat and folding her arms in front of her chest.

“Fine. See if I care, get us all killed.” There it was. No, they were back to regular programming. Delilah knew that line by heart and everything after as if this was play she had performed multiple times. The show had just begun.

“Are you being serious right now? If you don't trust me, then why the fuck are you in this car with me?” Like clockworks, everything was falling into place.

“Because I trusted you to be mature, my fucking bad. Now I see what a dipshit you really are.” The car was still picking up speed but neither of them noticed. Maria looked nervously between the two of them, afraid to intervene. Delilah sat frozen in her seat.

“Wow, so I’m a dipshit now? You know you’re the one who brought the alcohol right. How mature of you, huh, letting your drunk friend drive you around on a highway at 11:30, at fucking night time. Fuck you.” Lisa snapped her head towards her eyes filled with rage. She slammed her hands on the dashboard, infuriated.

“Don’t fucking curse at me, you piece of shit. Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?” Maria gently touched Lisa on the shoulder, eyes pleading with her to stop.

“It’s no use.” Delilah murmured. Maria didn’t hear but it didn’t matter. Same outcome would happen regardless. 

“You’re literally slurring your words Lisa, I’m not arguing with a drunk chick acting like a loon.” Cole rolled his eyes and huffed. Now Lisa was fuming and continued to glare at him angrily.

“Oh what, are you mad? Don’t be mad at me Lisa, be mad at your shitty boyfriend. If he wasn’t utter garbage, you wouldn’t even be here with me right now-”

“DON’T TALK ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND” Lisa screamed. Now she was really upset and visibly shaking. 

“Cole. Stop it.” Maria intervened.

‘“No, I’m going to talk about it!” He yelled over the wind. “It’s the truth, maybe she should have better taste in men-”  
  


“Cole.”  
  
“Is it my fault her fucking boyfriend cheats on her all the time, No so-”   
  
“Cole!”   
  
“Why is she taking her anger out on me? She should break up with him if she’s truly that upse-”

“COLE!” Maria screamed. She reached over the driver’s seat and grabbed the wheel.

“HEY WHAT-” He was cut off by a blaring horn. In front of them, a semi-trailer tractor was coming at them, and the car was almost at full speed. Maria turned the wheel as far to the left as she could before the car jolted violently. The car spun as the truck collided with it, the right side smashing into the front of the trailer track, the windows broke and glass flew everywhere. Screams rose out into the midnight breeze as the car was forcefully swerved out of the lane into the nearby forest. Maria was still gripping onto the wheel and Cole still had his foot on the gas pedal as they zoomed through the forest. Delilah, having crouched down on the floor of the car knowing this would happen, had her hands over her head to protect herself. She shook and braced herself for the next impact.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, STOP THE CAR!”  
  
“I can’t! It’s-” Cole didn’t have time to finish his sentence as the car slammed in head first into a tree trunk. The car flew up for a bit before violently coming back down. Smoke rose from the front of the car as everything came to a halt. It was eerily quiet and no one was moving or making a sound. Delilah slowly moved her shaky hands from over her head and looked around. The right side of the car was absolutely demolished, a chunk of it had even come off. She shuddered at the jagged spike pieces of metal around the hole where the back door used to be. There was also red splattered everywhere on the back seat, dripping from the top of the car as well. Terrified, She opened the door on her side and got out quickly. She fell to her knees in the grass as she got down, It was hard to breathe as the thick smoke and smell of gasoline filled the air. She looked back at the car. From her position in the grass she could see Maria slumped over the driver’s seat. She was obviously dead. She wasn’t even moving or breathing and her hair was coated in blood. She could go look at the right side of the car and confirm but she already knew from the first time. The image of Maria’s mangled legs, unrecognizable beyond ripped pieces of flesh spilling blood everywhere, was burned into her head.

Lisa was still alive, she knew it from the time before. She had probably passed out at this point from the trauma of the incident and she had also received bodily damage as she was on the right side of the car. Although the back right had gotten the worst part of the damage, Lisa made the mistake of trying to jump out the car and kicking the car door open with her feet, which was slammed back close with extreme force. Her legs and spine had been damaged in the process and she wouldn’t be able to walk again, Delilah already knew that. She also knew how badly Lisa would cope with the situation when she came to.

Cole was still awake and conscious, just unable to move. He received the least damage. He had hurt his head pretty badly from it slamming into the wheel from the force of the collision. He most likely had a nasty black eye concussion, she wasn’t too sure what the diagnoses had been. The bone in his right arm had also snapped in half from the force. But he was still alive.

Delilah suffered little to no damage, at least in this dream. Just a few shards of glass stuck in hand. In real life, it had been quite different. She had broken her jaw and her rib cage broke and punctured her lungs. She had been able to move as she watched the car slowly go up in flames. She also suffered oxygen loss at that time which was why she wasn’t a hundred percent sure if her recollection of the event was accurate. But it didn’t matter, because something similar to this had happened in real life. At least in her dream, she could prevent harm from coming her way. It was selfish, she knew that, but she was the one who made it this far in real life. She was the one who had to deal with reliving this every time she dreamed.

Shaking all the debris off, she got up and began to limp away as the front of the car caught on fire. A scream erupted from the car but she ignored as she moved faster. She wanted to help but she couldn’t. If she did, things would only get worse like they did in real life. That’s how her shitty brain worked, always punishing her for trying to do the right things.

Knowing the next part of this dream like the back of her hand, she avoided it by walking back towards the highway. Tears still ran down her cheeks as she listened to the anguished cries of her friend. And poor Maria, she couldn’t even scream. It was unfortunate that she had been sitting on the right side of the car. Delilah could’ve offered to switch seats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been a while since I've updated this story but I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It's a bit of a heavy one but that's generally what this story will be like, rather bleak. Hope you all stick around tho <3


	4. Hiatus

Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that this story is going to be on hiatus for now. Life is a little hectic and I have a lot of things to deal with at once so I hope you all understand :)


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